Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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