just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
