Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I didn't notice because vodka
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
