We're facebook friends in real life
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
