Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
