Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
