They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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