apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
