I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She's the barista slut.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
