Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
