i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think my fart just growled at me.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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