I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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