we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
