Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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