I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
