im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
