I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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