first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
