I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
