i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
