bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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