No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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