glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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