It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
