Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
