I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
