So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
