Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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