Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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