fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
