he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
