I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
