Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
