dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
