mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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