i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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