She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You are the jesus of drinking
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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