I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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