I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
