There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
