This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Randomize
