seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
