My brain says no but my pants say off.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
