if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
