I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
