I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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