Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
