gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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