can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
did i walk over a car last night?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
