That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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